So, as I said before, I am pretty suspicious that my mental state is in complete order. I suspect that I currently have some kind of disorder or depression because I really have noticed between April last year until now in particular something in my moods have changed.
I used to be so much more happier, high on life and optimistic. Now I feel so indifferent, pessimistic and just let go of the horns of life and let everything pass by while I sit and watch with an expressionless face.
I took two online depression tests and they both said I should see a psychologist immediately! So I'm sitting in the University library waiting for 8:30 to appear on the clock so I can go to the Health Clinic and book an appointment with a professional.
I feel scared right now, while still indifferent at the same time. I feel tears behind my eyes, but still a feeling of indifference. And another part of me is thinking: It's good that you're doing something and getting the facts and see if there is something wrong or not. Help yourself. You fooled everyone into thinking you're fine, but you know to yourself that there is something wrong... something empty. That empty feeling. Where did that abyss of emptiness come from? Is it actually there? Go help yourself! Now or never!
So I'm waiting as patiently as I can. One thing that's worrying me is how much of my drug use will I have to confess? And how confidential will that be kept?
0 comments