Unconventional Enlightenment

So if you've been following me for a bit, you will notice I changed the name of the blog to "Unconventional Enlightenment." Meaning, I have a different take and different philosophy. Yeah, we hear a lot of other kids our age claiming that same statement only to make some sort of attention when really when you listen to them they just talk shit to sound shocking so they can feel like they have successfully achieved having their peers say "Oooh, aaah, he's so different and smart..." We've come across fuckers like those, and they annoy me.

I personally make no solid claim that I am 100% genuinely intelligent and enlightened. I just share my opinion because I can, and my peers tolerate it, I don't say it to try to shock them so I can meet ends to achieve attention. Though we all love attention at the end of the day, whether you want to admit it or not... I admitted it. But I don't rant entirely for that purpose.

So, I've been going through depression, coinciding amusingly with this beautiful economic recession... no relation though. I would get depressive periods once a month for the past 6 years. And within the last year, as a matter of fact, since May last year, it progressed higher and higher. Blame it on the drugs, I don't know, I'm finding out sooner or later, I've taken a proactive route in treating myself as you can figure what I'm saying. But, what I wanted to write about, is this conspiracy and philosophy I have accumulated in my head due to this cynical state of mind. I want to share it, I think it's interesting to ponder.

So, you see, when you go through my sort of depression, the final philosophy that it comes down to is:

Life really sucks when you look at it. You are born, you are only granted complete innocence for the next 6 years. After that you enter school, and stay in school until you're 18, studying shit which 95% you're not going to use ever in your real life. Then you go to university, to obtain an education so you can be a professional, yet again you study shit that you will never actually use. Then graduate, work, possibly have a family, get old, keep working, retire, then die. And your children follow suite.

That sums up (my) depression. No, I'm not going to kill myself. But it's sad when you look at it. I used to look at the glass half full, I still do as a matter of fact, but what progressed this depression is that I considered more and more the fact that the other half of the glass is fucking empty! Which jackass forgot to fill it all the way up?! I guess this is the whole yin-yang latter Buddhists devote to.

At our age, we are going through a lot of soul-searching and self-discovery. I think most people, though I should refrain from making assumptions, I think most people my age agree that routine is what causes depression and sadness. And that is what pisses me off. We are constantly acclimating and falling into routine 24/7. The process of acclimating though is what gives us adrenaline and fun, though, the other 50% of the time acclimating can be a brutal agonizing process. This is the cycle we live on.

Let me give you some examples of this process: we came to University, in a new land, new people, new culture, new found freedom and independence and we acclimated to this new way of life. The acclimation process was fun while it lasted until we ended the acclimation process and fell into routine where we got used to the same old schedule of going to classes, shopping, chilling with friends, clubbing, dating. It gets old! We then look for a new acclimation process! Some of us desire transferring to another University, or take up exchange, where we acclimate to another way of life in a foreign place/land, make new friends etc. etc. Then, comes the routine again! For me routine is what depresses me as it simply reminds me of the enlightening philosophy that only depression can give me as quoted above. And along the way, you realize you've been away from home, the established base of warmth for quite a while, and when you reach back, there's once again another process of acclimation since you have to readjust to being a child in your parents' household once again after you have acclimated into being an independent free roaming adult. This acclimation process for one is not that great. Hence, why I hate being in Trinidad right now.

So I'm thinking now: where does it go from here? Do I continue this vicious cycle of acclimation and routine to verge of insanity? Or do I just give in and conform to conventional custom where I suspect the depression can grow in an even more disturbing climate? Maybe being crazy is that trance you fall into to officially escape the circle.

I really don't know, Inshallah I'll see how the road goes, and you will for yourself as well.

According to my parents, everyone is depressed and on prozac and zoloft etc. Perhaps this "New World Order" has made anti-depressants a utility in swaying people from my sort of enlightenment. Who knows?