Unconventional Enlightenment

My emotions have been up and down, though the ambiance is stabilizing here and there it has not halted me from having a couple random 5 minutes of feeling like a mental patient in a padded white room. It happens! I would sit, smoke and feel a surge of anxiousness swallowing me feet first. I then fold my left leg over the knee on my right leg, and unexpectedly and quite unintentionally I gyrate and shake my right leg uncontrollably showing my nervousness, a very similar sight to someone's body going into shock. What could it be? The emotional roller coaster? The ghastly silence that leaves me in a state of painful peace where all I am left to do is to think and reminisce about all the wrong (I should not be too hard on myself, but wrong!) things I've committed against my body in the last year? Or... could it be me having withdrawals from my sobriety?

On multiple choice exams, every once in a while, we get the option of choosing answer D or C or whatever the sadistic cunt of a professor chose to place it known as "All of the above." I'm circling D (or C) and I'll see what God has to say since I can't answer for sure. I can be indecisive sometimes.

Sobriety kind of sucks when you make it a bit of a routine to drink and smoke, or in my case I smoked a lot more than drank. While accessibility for le vert is quite abundant here in this spectacular island, I actually don't know what's the safest outlet to obtain this matter. Two nights ago I arrived at a peak of insanity due to sobriety that I just said: Fuck it! And took 5 shots of Johnny Walker Black Label. Yes, I got drunk, felt drunk for 5 minutes, then passed out. Woke up 6 hours later with a disgusting stomach ache and puked. Alcohol is so nasty. Why do people drink it? I want to say somethings about alcohol, and it's not a fucking ode:

1. It tastes horrible. Burns your throat and the remainder of internal tissue it touches going all the way down to your stomach.
2. Many people drink it not to get drunk. Why? It tastes like shit. Why drink shit if you're not attaining an enjoyable end to it?
3. Depending on your tolerance, getting drunk is a process. I in particular am a light weight, but even as a light weight I hate the process.
4. Being drunk is not that great. Yeah it could be fun, but in comparison to other forms of intoxication it's not that great.
5. Your speech is incredibly slurred, you are not using your brain very well, you do some stupid shit and say things as well. You are falling over everywhere and you are at constant risk of vomitting.
6. Nobody as intimate as a friend they are... wants to take care of you.
   
7. Admit it, as funny as being drunk feels, it's not that great of a feeling.
8. Depending on the person, it can amplify either their affectionate side, or their violent side.
9. After you pass the fuck out, you wake up the next day with a huge headache, possibly a stomach ache, an eventual deterioration of your liver and brain and an ugly fuck lying next to you in bed (thank God this hasn't been the case with me). a. k. a. the hangover.

And this drug is legal in majority of the world. I personally don't understand why le vert is still illegal in so many places. With le vert you are not very impaired, as a matter of fact, you are thinking 2x as much as opposed to being sober. With le vert you don't talk as much shit as on alcohol, as a matter of fact, many intelligent conversations can manifest, it all depends on who you choose to be around. And yes, it can damage brain cells, but it's less harmful for your body and your personality. You're not going to spill stupid senseless comments and secrets upon anyone with the greens. Majority of the time, you smoke it, listen to some music, eat, fuck, even get creative and paint, do some art, spark stimulating dialogue and then eventually get the greatest sleep you got all week!

Fuck, I need some! Anyhow, I've decided, I shall remain sober for the remainder of time here, it will be good rehabilitation for my soul while I am in this peaceful yet dark period of lament.

In other news and stories, my cousin/God-mother at the age of 42 got married last week to an American diplomat. I was astounded with joy when I heard that, so was my mother (the bearer of the news) and the rest of the family. Her mother last night cracked a joke at her sister-in-law whose daughter is also married to an American Caucasian and said "Hehe, now we both have sons-in-law with blue eyes, hehe." Which basically translates to: Wow, we have white sons-in-law, great... heh... heh... ugh. Well, whatever, I send my blessings. Love is a beautiful thing when found in the right places, no matter what age, what setting. We'll all find it.